What you see online may not tell you which kind of help is right for your relationship
You know something needs to change between you.
Maybe you keep having the same argument. You have stopped talking because it never goes well. You are recovering from an affair, feeling more like roommates than partners, or wondering whether you can find your way back to each other.
So you start looking for help and find relationship coaches and couples therapists offering help with many of the same concerns.
You may also encounter a distinction often quoted by coaches:
Therapy focuses on your past. Coaching focuses on your future.
If you want things to change now, coaching can immediately sound more appealing.
But that distinction doesn’t accurately describe contemporary therapy.
Therapy isn’t necessarily about your past
In fact many therapies are explicitly future-focused. Solution Focused Brief Therapy, for example, focuses primarily on what you want to be different and how to begin moving toward it (de Shazer et al., 2007).
Couples therapy can also work directly with what is happening between you today.
In Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, you may slow down the argument you keep having, discover what is underneath the anger or withdrawal that has developed between you, and begin creating different experiences with each other today. The change is made by practicing in the present moment with your partner and gaining a felt sense of when you are connected.
Your history may help explain why something feels so powerful today. But understanding the past isn’t necessarily the destination.
Therapy is intended to help you live differently now and move toward the life and relationship you want.
Why can coaching look more convincing online?
You may notice something else.
A relationship coach’s website may have photographs, video testimonials, and clients describing dramatic changes in their relationships. A therapist’s website may have very little of that.
It is easy to wonder: Does the coach get better results?
Not necessarily.
Therapists have ethical responsibilities that limit how they can use their relationships with clients for marketing. Marriage and family therapists, for example, cannot solicit testimonials from current clients or people who may be vulnerable to undue influence (American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy [AAMFT], 2026).
In everyday language, your therapist shouldn’t use the trust you place in them to persuade you to help promote their business.
Think about the position you’re in as a client. You may have talked about your marriage, your professional life, your sex life, an affair, depression, or experiences you have never shared with anyone else. You may trust your therapist’s judgment and feel grateful for their help.
If that person asks you to appear in a testimonial, saying “no” may not feel quite as simple as declining a review request from your plumber or dentist.
Professional ethics recognize that difference. They protect your confidentiality, but they also protect you from having the trust and influence created in therapy turned into a marketing opportunity.
Look beyond what you see online
None of this means relationship coaching cannot be helpful, or that every therapist will be right for every couple.
It does mean that two professionals offering apparently similar help may be operating with different training, ethical requirements, and accountability. In North Carolina, marriage and family therapy is a licensed profession; coaching does not have an equivalent state licensing system (North Carolina Marriage and Family Therapy Licensure Board, 2024).
So look beyond the testimonials. Ask about training with couples. Ask how your privacy is protected. Ask what happens if depression, trauma, substance use, suicidal thoughts, or another clinical concern becomes part of the picture.
And don’t assume you are choosing between someone who will examine your past and someone who will help you change your future.
You are choosing who is best equipped to help with what is happening between you now and where you want your relationship to go.
References
American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. (2026). AAMFT code of ethics. AAMFT Code of Ethics
de Shazer, S., Dolan, Y., Korman, H., Trepper, T., McCollum, E., & Berg, I. K. (2007). More than miracles: The state of the art of solution-focused brief therapy. Haworth Press.
North Carolina Marriage and Family Therapy Licensure Board. (2024). Position statement memo: Coaching vs. therapy. NCBMFT position statement
Spengler, P. M., Lee, N. A., Wiebe, S. A., & Wittenborn, A. K. (2024). A comprehensive meta-analysis on the efficacy of emotionally focused couple therapy. Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice, 13(2), 81–99.